The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
