I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
