I CAN MOONWALK!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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