If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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