what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
