I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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