I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize