did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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