Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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