I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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