I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
