theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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