I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
