can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize