Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
