i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
