porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
