Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
