Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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