i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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