Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
