The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to sanitize my soul.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
