i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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