He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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