I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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