Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize