i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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