Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
