i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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