I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
