Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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