come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize