Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
