You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
