If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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