the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
