I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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