are you still at the devil's house?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
