Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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