Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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