So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
