i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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