You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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