I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want a musical about memes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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