Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
