he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
