Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
