I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You can't just leave with hair like that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
