Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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