I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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