you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
