ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
