she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize