I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
