i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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