Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
