i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
