Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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