Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
