one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
