just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
