Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
