How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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