dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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