I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
