No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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