My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
