Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
