how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
