im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
