We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
