I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
