Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
