i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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