I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
