The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize