life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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