note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
