dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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