so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
