Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
